The Birth of Bear
Let me start
at the beginning. After moving away from
McKinney and finding our new place on earth here in the Hill Country, I felt a
little more than lost when it came to my new (third) pregnancy. I was, quite frankly,
in love with the birth center that I used for Augie and Nash and the people in
it. I missed them and really couldn't imagine doing this in a new place. I also knew I wanted to try an epidural for
this birth (gasp!) because I had done it twice the ol' fashioned way and the
reasons I began my natural birth journey with no longer existed. Having had two
previous births under my belt I didn't feel like a c-section was going to sneak up on me
unexpectedly, and I also felt a lot more in-control and powerful as woman (in
case I needed to assert what I did or did NOT want for myself or my child). So,
as such, I thought why not try this whole deal without the pain an anxiety bit
and see how that goes? There was still a problem though. I did not want to miss
out on my journey being guided by a midwife. I love midwives and knew I still
needed that to remain the same about this kid's journey into the world. I set
out to find a CNM in my new area and did, but the only problem was they were
about 45 minutes from my house. I didn't realize until later what a problem
this would be. So here we go...
From the
very start this pregnancy was DREADFUL. The intense nausea lasted a month
longer than my previous two pregnancies.
The first two trimesters were absolutely fraught with illnesses in our
family. I peed my pants from coughing more times than I can count. My body
ached the entire second half of the pregnancy and I was essentially bedridden.
Towards the end of the pregnancy it hurt so much to waddle around I could
barely make a grocery store trip. Finally I was in the last month of my
pregnancy, weighing in at a grand total of 218 pounds. More than I have ever
weighed in my life and my feet cried themselves to sleep every night. Ever
heard of a humbling experience? This was one of those. I was miserable. When I got to about 38 weeks
I started having prodromal labor on a nightly basis. Sometimes for twenty
minutes and sometimes for an hour. One night it lasted for several hours and
got so intense that I called my parents to come, thinking that we would need
them to watch the kids when we went in that night. Well, by the time they were
on their way it stalled out but they decided it would be "soon" so
they continued on. This all took place during the week that our area was experiencing
days and days of flooding. We live in the country where the roads are rolling
hills and sporadically through the weeks of flooding different roads and water
crossings would get police blocks. I was extremely preoccupied with the idea
that I was going to be stuck at home in an
unmedicated-involuntary-unassisted-birth-from-hell. Say that ten times fast. Friday,
when I turned 39 weeks I had an appointment at the hospital and it was still pouring rain
but luckily my parents were already there to watch the kids. I set out on my
way.
Starting out
to my appointment I was already a nervous wreck but the drive didn't help. I
went about two miles down the road to find the bridge I usually take was police
blockaded for flooding. Okay. Breathe. I turned around and went the longer way
and got about a half mile down the next road before I came upon another police
blockade. BREATHE. DON'T CRY. GET IT TOGETHER. There was only one other way out
of the neighborhood and so I started down that road. I had to drive through
several bits of rising water (don't worry-- these were not attached to rivers
so no one was going to get swept away in the making of this story) and before I
made it to the highway I was sobbing. Sobbing because I wanted this pregnancy to
be over. Sobbing because I was scared of getting into a wreck 39 weeks
pregnant. Sobbing because I wasn't even sure I would be able to come home after
this appointment, since the only road back to my house was currently flooding
over.
When I arrived
at the appointment and the midwife I was seeing that day entered the room she
asked how I was doing. "Not too great." I was holding it together. Fantastic. Then
she followed up with "What's wrong?" Come on. I'm not super-woman,
lady! Why would you ask me such a question!? So that's about when I broke down.
I just kept repeating through sobs "I can't (sob) go home (sob). I can't
(sob) go hooooome (sobsobsob)."
Based on that thorough explanation I am sure she thought I was a battered wife
with nowhere to turn but I pulled it together enough to explain that my area
keeps getting flooded in and I was basically 100% positive that I was going to
have a baby on the side of the road somewhere while I look longingly at the
ambulance who can't make it to me from the other side of a raging flood-road. She took pity on me and replied "Well, I
never want to pressure anyone, but we can try and get you in today for an
induction of you want."
YES. A THOUSAND TIMES YES. YOU ARE MY
BEST FRIEND FOREVER FROM THIS MOMENT ON IF YOU MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
At 6pm there would be a bed
ready for me in L&D. Cue the audible sigh of relief. I waited in the hospital for a while and then
spent some time at a nearby friends house before meeting Forrest for the
induction. That evening they gave me
Cervadil and checked my progress at 6am. Nothing. Still only about 1cm. At that
point I got started on a gradual Pitocin drip, and as soon as I started to feel
the contractions intensify (and we are talking, mild discomfort) I was ready
for the epidural. Aside from the pain management throughout the process, the
most incredible thing about the epidural is that it comes with a catheter. If
you have ever been 39 weeks into an awful pregnancy you know what I mean. I was
released from my inner conflict of "Should I just give up on life and
start living in a pool of urine just so I won't have to walk on my aching feet
to the bathroom for the millionth time this hour?" I mean, I could be like
a deranged mermaid. Flopping about and making walrus noises. Gross. Anyway the
epidural kicked in and I was so numb that I couldn't move my legs. Not at all.
Not even if somebody yelled "FIRE!" or even "CHOCOLATE OVER
HERE!" The midwife then decided she would help me out by manually dilating
me a little bit. Well, let me tell you, had I been un-medicated this sensation
may have actually killed me, because when she did it my eyes went dark and my
head flopped back and I essentially passed out. She said it was likely due to a
nerve response and that sometimes happens. Creepy stuff, but if we can get this
ball rolling, then fine. So as I lay in bed, Forrest and I watched TV and I
secretly snacked here and there and then in the afternoon I started to feel
some pain. I told the nurse and she said maybe the catheter had become
misplaced, to which I replied "I don't care WHAT it is, I should be able
to feel NOTHING down there!" Basically I was scared the epidural was
wearing off and stated my fears. She tried to fix the catheter but the pain
didn't change, it just came and went. It was late afternoon now and the midwife
came to check me and told me I was 8cm and that she had to go assist with a
c-section and would be back to check again in an hour. After she left I
suddenly had what Oprah would call an "Ah-ha!" moment. The pain that
I was feeling was my cervix vs the baby's head. I decided I would push a little
to test this theory. YUP! This was a very familiar feeling. The first familiar
feeling I'd had since going numb. It was have-a-baby time and I was all systems
go! About 3 minutes had passed since the midwife had told me she would be back
in an hour, so I told Forrest I needed her back now. He ran out and she came
back in immediately and checked me and confirmed that it was, in fact, baby
having time. They broke down the bed, put my legs in stirrups, I pushed twice,
his head came out, and then there was a change of tone. The nurses went from
"Okay, mama! Good job! You can do it!" to "PUSH! You need to
push hard NOW!" I didn't know exactly why but I knew I had to get the kid
out of me immediately so I pushed with all my might and his body was out. Apparently
when the midwife tried to unwrap the umbilical cord from Bear's neck, it just
snapped in half. That's no bueno. The nurse apologized to Forrest that he
wasn't able to cut it himself, to which he replied something like "Yuck,
no, Really I'm fine." And basically that is how I got my sweet little
third born boy out of my nethers and into my arms!
I have to
say, that for being the pregnancy from hell, I have had the postpartum from
Heaven! I have fallen in love with this child so swiftly and easily and there
has been not an inch of postpartum anxiety. I feel energetic and (aside from a
normal amount of trauma learning how to parent three boys) could never have
imagined how lovely the newborn phase of a baby could be. He is incredible in
every way and fits into our clan perfectly. His brothers dote on him daily and
Nash has only almost squashed him a few times. We love our Theodore Auberon and
he is our Teddy Bear.
