Having said that, I have quickly come to find that focusing on small but lovely things once and a while can really help to alleviate some of the stresses so that I don't go all the way crazy. Here are a few of my not-so-guilty pleasures since having my wee little lovie bear...
1. A venti Starbucks unsweetened iced green tea. I get these about once a week now. Since mainlining coffee is not really an option for a nursing mother to use in order to pep up, and alcoholcan't be used to wind down, I love to get this cool and refreshing drink when I need to do either. It is actually pretty healthy for the little man if he gets much through the milk, and it is WAY healthy for me to stop, take some sips, and regroup.
2. Co-sleeping. Before the Aug-Miester was born I was a little nervous about this one. I was scared I would roll on top of him or NEVER get any sleep for fear of doing so. Not true! I love, love, love, love laying him down in the (large) space I make between Forrest's and my pillows and looking into his little sleepy eyes as he drifts away happily, knowing he is safe next to me. It actually helps me to sleep knowing that he is so close, and I was surprised about how strong my instincts are. I wake up easily if he moves or cries, but when he is resting nicely (usually one 4 hour stretch and one 3 hour stretch a night with one more iffy stretch in the morning) I sleep like a happy rock. I always lay him on his back but I generally wake to him laying on his side facing me, and he usually manages to squinch his way quite a bit closer to my face. Waking up in the morning to an amazing little finger poking me haphazardly in the face couldn't be a better wake up call.
3. Underwear. I know this one is silly, but it is nice to have one item of clothing that didn't have to be replaced temporarily when I got huge. Even now, when I put on the two-sizes-too-big pants I had to buy until I shrink down a little, and a bra that is too big to politely mention the size of, my underwear are unchanging. Well, I change THEM, but you get the picture.
4. Other mama's. Having now realized some of the reasons my sister's did or said certain things when they were new moms, or suddenly understanding how much my own mother has agonized over my safety and well being are all overwhelming thoughts, but having that increased understanding makes me feel so much closer to all of them, and my mama-friends as well. It is like an unspoken bond or a secret club that one gets to join. We all know that if something wants to hurt our little person we will die trying to protect him/her and that is no joke. I now see how a woman can lift a car off her kid. It is a neat and scary feeling, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
5. Forrest carrying Augie to communion during mass. Before we had any babies, and in fact before I ever even knew Forrest, I would always coo and aww at the sight of a man proudly carrying his little one up for communion. Of course the sight of a mama and baby are precious, but there is something unmatched about getting a glimpse into the softer side of a strong and good man. I think Forrest knows this about me, as I would sometimes point out the particularly cute baby/daddy couples once in a while when we were first married. Now that we have our own little bear he always insists on carrying him up for me during communion, and it makes me so happy. To see how proud he is of the little person we made and to get a reminder of what a good man I chose to marry all in one fell swoop? Nothing compares.